Men.
I'll never understand them. Such odd creatures.
Made of 'Snips and snails and puppy dog tails'
Apparently.
Lets revise the poem.
They're made of..
Jealousy. Pride. And a pain in the backside.
YEEEEH BLUD.
Seriously, talk like an intelligent human being.
My lovely bf talks like a complete retard! Talking about getting shanked and merked and calling me gash infront of his mates. SRSLY. SERIOUS.
Well that isnt what i wanted to talk about. Well the 'gash' thing is. I had a most interesting conversation which showed me a small part of the 'male world' yesterday.. My bf happened to be drunk and the words stumbled out of his mouth so fast he didnt know what he even said.
' Mannn.. i love you so much.. I should'nt love you! Men aren't supposed to like girls this much mannn.. I should just not care. If you break up with me i should just find some other gash and not care'
What a lovely prospect ayyy? I do pick 'em.
'Is that why you act like such a prick infront of your mates when your with me?' 'Err yeah man'
Atleast i understand that bit.
But whats the worst..
'Are you looking at your ex?!' 'OMG man your looking at your ex again!'
No, no really, just no. Not to mention my ex being a complete bender. I lack the basic equipement for him to be interested in me. And after some of the things hes told me i dont find him vaguely sexually attractive anymore.. but i wont go into that. =)
I love my bf. And alot at that. Does he believe me? No..
Getting upset in a drunken flurry.. Bless him.
Men. Stubborn fools i say!
I apologise. But its so true!
I'm not allowed to look at guys the wrong way, especially my ex, nor speak to him. I'm not allowed to be chatted up or checked out.. My fault? Err yeh right.. I'm not allowed to not see him when he wishes to see me or he gets stroppy and i obviously don't love him anymore. Heaven forbid feeling ill.. or just plain wanting to stay home for a night.
As i say.. I love him. You gotta love 'em really.. Lovely bunch of people. When they're not being complete arseholes. =)
Xx
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Pointless.
Everythings turning me bitter.. what am i meant to do...
If the things in life are there to round your character, make you a better person, it doesnt work.
I go through sad, angry, depressed and in denial over and over.
Thinking strategies and plans and chances and hoping. Saying i dont need him, i dont want him.
But i do. So much.
I hide the majority of my feelings infront of everyone else.. noone knows just how upset i actually am.
The crying, the numbness, the shouting, meaninglessness, hopelessness, pointlessness.
I hate it. I hate me. I hate love. I love him.
x..
If the things in life are there to round your character, make you a better person, it doesnt work.
I go through sad, angry, depressed and in denial over and over.
Thinking strategies and plans and chances and hoping. Saying i dont need him, i dont want him.
But i do. So much.
I hide the majority of my feelings infront of everyone else.. noone knows just how upset i actually am.
The crying, the numbness, the shouting, meaninglessness, hopelessness, pointlessness.
I hate it. I hate me. I hate love. I love him.
x..
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Hmmmm..=( <3
Italia..
Im back.
It was good.. yet really bad at the same time. I got caled so many things.. based around the word slut. I didnt cheat on bf.. but.
Hes now ex bf =(
He dumped me last night.. due to him being unhappy.
He doesnt love me =( im unloved.
I miss the hugs
I miss the kisses
I miss the giggles
I miss the flirting
I miss the movies
I miss the love =( =(
It Sucks.
I want my fluffy back =( [his nickname - from me]
=(=(=(
Xx...
Im back.
It was good.. yet really bad at the same time. I got caled so many things.. based around the word slut. I didnt cheat on bf.. but.
Hes now ex bf =(
He dumped me last night.. due to him being unhappy.
He doesnt love me =( im unloved.
I miss the hugs
I miss the kisses
I miss the giggles
I miss the flirting
I miss the movies
I miss the love =( =(
It Sucks.
I want my fluffy back =( [his nickname - from me]
=(=(=(
Xx...
Friday, January 18, 2008
Happy Pills? Anyone?
GRARGGHGHHGHG...
Bf is sooo gna break up with me soon. Again.
I dont want to, but then i do. If we break up i wanna be the one doing the breaking up. Not him. Again.
The only way i keep him interested is by acting like im not. How fucked up.
He likes the chase.. like me. Im always chasing him.. Always.
Hes emotionally detached from everything.. its retarded.
Selfish and narcesistic. ARGH.
Im not a great gf myself, not that most people know, him certainly not.. the things i say to people lol.
If he was doing the same i'd be so annoyed.
Anyway.
One exam left.. took double dose of calming pills today they worked better.. but i was still stressed. Maybe 6 will work lol.
Spent the night in tonight.. coz i was asleep when everyone went out. Been a shit night.. all ive thought about is him, how hes out and didnt want to see me, all the shit hes said to me.. listening to songs about how men like him are cunts. Lol. If you met him you might think he was nice.. bit camp but nice. No hes not gay. But other people will say it too.. hes in stuff for himself if he dont want to do something. He wont. No comprimise. Hes lucky hes got a gf that lets him walk all over her.. if he started treatin some other girl like this she wud tell him to piss off. But he never used to be this bad. My 'friends' changed him. They all roll with the crowd and i tend to have my own opinion and do what i want. But hes weak i guess.
If anyone is reading this.. sorry for rambling about shiz.. lol. I hope its interesting. Bet its not though lol. It will be more interesting when i get happy. If, i get happy.
Oh and theyre doing chlaymedia tests on upper sixth form. How actualy retarded. I have a lesson clash with careers so i hope i dont have to do one. I dont have it, i know i dont. Its just retarded!
..Xx
Bf is sooo gna break up with me soon. Again.
I dont want to, but then i do. If we break up i wanna be the one doing the breaking up. Not him. Again.
The only way i keep him interested is by acting like im not. How fucked up.
He likes the chase.. like me. Im always chasing him.. Always.
Hes emotionally detached from everything.. its retarded.
Selfish and narcesistic. ARGH.
Im not a great gf myself, not that most people know, him certainly not.. the things i say to people lol.
If he was doing the same i'd be so annoyed.
Anyway.
One exam left.. took double dose of calming pills today they worked better.. but i was still stressed. Maybe 6 will work lol.
Spent the night in tonight.. coz i was asleep when everyone went out. Been a shit night.. all ive thought about is him, how hes out and didnt want to see me, all the shit hes said to me.. listening to songs about how men like him are cunts. Lol. If you met him you might think he was nice.. bit camp but nice. No hes not gay. But other people will say it too.. hes in stuff for himself if he dont want to do something. He wont. No comprimise. Hes lucky hes got a gf that lets him walk all over her.. if he started treatin some other girl like this she wud tell him to piss off. But he never used to be this bad. My 'friends' changed him. They all roll with the crowd and i tend to have my own opinion and do what i want. But hes weak i guess.
If anyone is reading this.. sorry for rambling about shiz.. lol. I hope its interesting. Bet its not though lol. It will be more interesting when i get happy. If, i get happy.
Oh and theyre doing chlaymedia tests on upper sixth form. How actualy retarded. I have a lesson clash with careers so i hope i dont have to do one. I dont have it, i know i dont. Its just retarded!
..Xx
Grrr.. Medication Please.
Bleh..
Been a while.
My stress levels still arent falling.. im on the verge of mental breakdown..
lol
From exams, school and love.
The press say that a levels are easy.. easiest ever. Apparently.
Then why is it large majority of my friends are now taking anti stress pills.. no they arent on drugs.. herbal remedies to calm you down.
Me. Yeah im on them too.. but theyre not helping that much atall..
The anxiety attacks came back last night. Thought theyd gone for a while.. guess not.
Bf just tried to convince me hes gay.. he has a history of gay encounters so it is fairly believeable, that and his flamboyant personality.. so i rang him up nearly crying.. knots in my stomach.. in disbelief.. shocked. So he says he wanted to know my reaction.. well thanks alot.. he was just bored.
He gets like this when hes stressed turns into a complete cunt, im the first thing he cuts off when he gets annoyed. Then comes crawling back.. the amount of times ive been ditched because of some kind of drama coursework or performance. Its currently coursework. Joy. Hes dropped so many hints he doesnt want me /is going to dump me.. and he thinks im paranoid. Said it once, said it a thousand times if you recorded what you said then played it back you would think you were a cunt to. We made a revelation today. We love each other, but dont actually like each other. He is a pompuss,vain, arrogant, son of a whore.. but i love him. Why?! I dont even know anymore.
Xx..
Been a while.
My stress levels still arent falling.. im on the verge of mental breakdown..
lol
From exams, school and love.
The press say that a levels are easy.. easiest ever. Apparently.
Then why is it large majority of my friends are now taking anti stress pills.. no they arent on drugs.. herbal remedies to calm you down.
Me. Yeah im on them too.. but theyre not helping that much atall..
The anxiety attacks came back last night. Thought theyd gone for a while.. guess not.
Bf just tried to convince me hes gay.. he has a history of gay encounters so it is fairly believeable, that and his flamboyant personality.. so i rang him up nearly crying.. knots in my stomach.. in disbelief.. shocked. So he says he wanted to know my reaction.. well thanks alot.. he was just bored.
He gets like this when hes stressed turns into a complete cunt, im the first thing he cuts off when he gets annoyed. Then comes crawling back.. the amount of times ive been ditched because of some kind of drama coursework or performance. Its currently coursework. Joy. Hes dropped so many hints he doesnt want me /is going to dump me.. and he thinks im paranoid. Said it once, said it a thousand times if you recorded what you said then played it back you would think you were a cunt to. We made a revelation today. We love each other, but dont actually like each other. He is a pompuss,vain, arrogant, son of a whore.. but i love him. Why?! I dont even know anymore.
Xx..
Friday, January 4, 2008
STRESS?!!?!
Stress...
STRESSED.
Ive turned into a monster =(
Woke up at 3..am.. went to bed at 2. Woke up again at 7.
Im tired and narky.
And ive.. missed lessons.. argued.. made up.. argued some more.. made excuses.. got confused.
Was hit, kicked, layed on, burnt (by hot chocolate)
Made to walk to town.. in the freezing cold and snow and wind.
So i decided to make a blog..
Ive decided i shouldnt post blogs on myspace anymore..as my friends think im a psycho if they read it and a very very sad person if i make it private.
Oh.. your writing a blog to yourself.. how lovely...... FREAK.
Yeah.. its like writing all this shizzle is therapy.. stress therapy..
My cheap anger management.
Im hoping to get a league of dedicated followers that i've never met.. that think im amazing and can do no wrong.
lol as if.
As this is mein first blog.. i guess i should write about myself if some random person unfortunately (for them) wanders (virtually) on/in to my blog.
Firstly may i say.. my flippin space bar is indeed broken-ish. So this isnt easy.
But im 17.. brown hair.. 5ft 6ish.. i have a wonky face.. but 'apparently' noone else notices.
Anyway..
Im nice.. well 'aww your so lovely'
Lovely?? umm... ok
Once i asked if that meant i was boring.. the reply was 'your ACTUALLY quite interesting'
Like they were suprised? Cheers mate.
I like photography, writing poems.. occassional story.
Singing, although noone will ever be witness unless im drunk.
Dancing, and again. Unless its just the average moving my ass to the beat as some guy harasses me.. me too drunk to notice.
Happens more than you would think.
Anyway yeah.. thats me.
Wait.
Oh LORDY i forgot the 'biggest' part of my life.
My 'beloved' Boyfriend.
Together since 11th November 2006.
He has broken up with me... around 6 times.
Made me cry, scream, shout, become an insomniac, become an anorexic.. kinda.. well for a week anyway, make suicide threats, drop my friends, blame my friends...
But.. i love him.
And i am a slight handful sometimes..
Because.. as i was saying.. im STRESSED.
Stress makes me so argumentative. If its not done my way its not right. Its not even moral.
If i was someone else.. i wouldnt like me.. probably.. maybe.
Im alot of things im not.
But more of that another time.
Im going to try and keep this up.
It kind of inspired by a book im reading.
Thats really good by the way.
Called..
The intimate adventures of a london call girl.
And no, i am not a prostitute.
Lotsaluvnstuff.. x
STRESSED.
Ive turned into a monster =(
Woke up at 3..am.. went to bed at 2. Woke up again at 7.
Im tired and narky.
And ive.. missed lessons.. argued.. made up.. argued some more.. made excuses.. got confused.
Was hit, kicked, layed on, burnt (by hot chocolate)
Made to walk to town.. in the freezing cold and snow and wind.
So i decided to make a blog..
Ive decided i shouldnt post blogs on myspace anymore..as my friends think im a psycho if they read it and a very very sad person if i make it private.
Oh.. your writing a blog to yourself.. how lovely...... FREAK.
Yeah.. its like writing all this shizzle is therapy.. stress therapy..
My cheap anger management.
Im hoping to get a league of dedicated followers that i've never met.. that think im amazing and can do no wrong.
lol as if.
As this is mein first blog.. i guess i should write about myself if some random person unfortunately (for them) wanders (virtually) on/in to my blog.
Firstly may i say.. my flippin space bar is indeed broken-ish. So this isnt easy.
But im 17.. brown hair.. 5ft 6ish.. i have a wonky face.. but 'apparently' noone else notices.
Anyway..
Im nice.. well 'aww your so lovely'
Lovely?? umm... ok
Once i asked if that meant i was boring.. the reply was 'your ACTUALLY quite interesting'
Like they were suprised? Cheers mate.
I like photography, writing poems.. occassional story.
Singing, although noone will ever be witness unless im drunk.
Dancing, and again. Unless its just the average moving my ass to the beat as some guy harasses me.. me too drunk to notice.
Happens more than you would think.
Anyway yeah.. thats me.
Wait.
Oh LORDY i forgot the 'biggest' part of my life.
My 'beloved' Boyfriend.
Together since 11th November 2006.
He has broken up with me... around 6 times.
Made me cry, scream, shout, become an insomniac, become an anorexic.. kinda.. well for a week anyway, make suicide threats, drop my friends, blame my friends...
But.. i love him.
And i am a slight handful sometimes..
Because.. as i was saying.. im STRESSED.
Stress makes me so argumentative. If its not done my way its not right. Its not even moral.
If i was someone else.. i wouldnt like me.. probably.. maybe.
Im alot of things im not.
But more of that another time.
Im going to try and keep this up.
It kind of inspired by a book im reading.
Thats really good by the way.
Called..
The intimate adventures of a london call girl.
And no, i am not a prostitute.
Lotsaluvnstuff.. x
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