Finally.. A Blog.

Well..
Life!

Ok whats changed?
Im 18..
I had a birthday party which atleast half the people i invited didnt turn up to but there was still alot of people there. Which was good. I met a guy id been talking to for months and months. Who just so happened to be fit and lovely and nice. He is now my boyfriend. Which is lovely. Well hes actually is lovely. Life on the otherhand, gets a bit shit at times.

The most recent problem being a retard called Sam. Yes i actually used a name. Fun. He has decided that he now thinks he is better than me. That he is stressed and he is going to take it out on me. His words were that i am insecure about EVERYTHING and hes hoping if hes mean enough he will push me over the edge and ill get over it. He also said im annoying and predictable. Well all i have to say is. FUCK YOU.

Ok second issue. My ex boyfriend.. the one i was in love with. The one i gave everything to. I mean everything. Is unfortunately.. GAY. I have nothing against gay people. But. Hes my ex. He said he wasnt attracted to me for the last part of our relationship.. atall. And as he fucked me even after we broke up. BASICALLY. Hes a cunt, just like Sam.

I think i officially live in the land of noone gives a shit. Noone does. In general. Theres a few that do, and i appreciate it. But why is noone willing to go the extra mile anymore? Noone.
I feel like a doormat to the masses.

Someone who doesnt even know me said ' i dont think shes a very nice person'
Thanks.

Also.. its the last week of school this week. Meaning no more lessons,teachers, homestudy, free periods etc.. and most importantly i wont see people im friends with even half as much. And no more bus =( its going to be upsetting and my bf is on holiday this week too..

Everythings a bit gay atm.. =( its been alot worse. ALOT worse. and im pleased its got better.. i guess nothing can ever be perfect.

Xx

Grrr.. Medication Please.

Bleh..

Been a while.
My stress levels still arent falling.. im on the verge of mental breakdown..
lol
From exams, school and love.
The press say that a levels are easy.. easiest ever. Apparently.
Then why is it large majority of my friends are now taking anti stress pills.. no they arent on drugs.. herbal remedies to calm you down.
Me. Yeah im on them too.. but theyre not helping that much atall..
The anxiety attacks came back last night. Thought theyd gone for a while.. guess not.
Bf just tried to convince me hes gay.. he has a history of gay encounters so it is fairly believeable, that and his flamboyant personality.. so i rang him up nearly crying.. knots in my stomach.. in disbelief.. shocked. So he says he wanted to know my reaction.. well thanks alot.. he was just bored.
He gets like this when hes stressed turns into a complete cunt, im the first thing he cuts off when he gets annoyed. Then comes crawling back.. the amount of times ive been ditched because of some kind of drama coursework or performance. Its currently coursework. Joy. Hes dropped so many hints he doesnt want me /is going to dump me.. and he thinks im paranoid. Said it once, said it a thousand times if you recorded what you said then played it back you would think you were a cunt to. We made a revelation today. We love each other, but dont actually like each other. He is a pompuss,vain, arrogant, son of a whore.. but i love him. Why?! I dont even know anymore.

Xx..