Pointless.

Everythings turning me bitter.. what am i meant to do...

If the things in life are there to round your character, make you a better person, it doesnt work.

I go through sad, angry, depressed and in denial over and over.
Thinking strategies and plans and chances and hoping. Saying i dont need him, i dont want him.

But i do. So much.
I hide the majority of my feelings infront of everyone else.. noone knows just how upset i actually am.

The crying, the numbness, the shouting, meaninglessness, hopelessness, pointlessness.

I hate it. I hate me. I hate love. I love him.

x..

You Look At A Word So Many Times It Looks Wrong.

Hmph.
Its the time of breaking up.
Lots of people are anyway.. well.. i know of atleast 6

I went cinema with fluffy (ex) and Froggyfriend last night, Wasssss.. interesting. Train journey there was alright as we met some people we know. Although fluffy insisted he could not sit next to me, for unknown reasons. We queued for ages in the cinema until we finally got our ticket to 'Be Kind, Rewind'
I sat in between froggy and fluffy and tried my hardest to edge my way back into his head. I flirted, laughed at little jokes he made, rested my head on his shoulder and tried going for the leg but that was just too far apparently and ended up having an arm rest fight. My arm made him uncomfortable apparently, funny how i wasn't even touching him.

Film was average, mildly comical and strange.

Went and played pool, i was absolutely atrocious.. however i was winning up until i potted the black. Fluffy promised a fuck for one of my goes, then took it back after he had taken my go.. was not pleased. He said he was going to poke me hard.. but we had a domestic on the train home which was pretty amusing. But he made it clear he didnt want me back, well i was insulting him hardcore.. soo.. not suprised. I spoke of his gay experiences, his lack of ability to satisfy and his allergy to spending money on any form of decent clothing.

Driving lesson today, apparently i can drive! pretty awesome =) but i need to concentrate on maneuvers which im not so awesome at.. too many things to think about at once!

My Scooby obsession has hit an all time high, i actually want to own everything scooby on the planet. But i have no money. I have youtubed scooby, but that result was pretty poor, spent an hour on IMDB looking at scooby trivia, spoofs, mistakes etc.. looked at various possible tshirt designs, colours, styles, sizes.. with no intention to buy may i add. Wish i could though. Downloaded MP3s off of the website too.

You see.. Scooby is like my therapy, my regression back to when i was 10. Everytime something bad happens i go scooby crazy. 2 of my dogs died in a week once, i spent 3 days in a dark room watching Scooby with 2 of my other dogs.. another dog died when i was 15, spent yet more days watching Scooby Doo, relatives have died and i watch Scooby, feel bad - Scooby, get dumped.. look at all things Scooby. Sad Person.. I Know.

But..

I<3 Scooby!

=)

=3) < French man.

Xx..

Hmmmm..=( <3

Italia..
Im back.
It was good.. yet really bad at the same time. I got caled so many things.. based around the word slut. I didnt cheat on bf.. but.
Hes now ex bf =(
He dumped me last night.. due to him being unhappy.
He doesnt love me =( im unloved.
I miss the hugs
I miss the kisses
I miss the giggles
I miss the flirting
I miss the movies
I miss the love =( =(

It Sucks.
I want my fluffy back =( [his nickname - from me]

=(=(=(

Xx...

Ho Hum.

heyy...

Got my report today..=( was pretty bad.. apparently i havent improved, i make no effort and i find my subjects boring. grades E,Uand D predicted.. LOVELY.

Im not stupid, i just have a supernatural lack of motivation. Theres nothing i want to do =(
Going to Italy on saturday. 26 hour coach journey! lol loveeelllyyy.

taraa.. my comps being slow.. x